One of those days...

So yesterday was one of those days. I had HORRIBLE cramps and was pretty moody for all my students. And with them being teenagers, they understood that there aren't many bad days for me so when one comes around, they know to act on their very best....haha...don't mess with me when I am cramping! I ended up canceling my meetings after school and even canceled my workout. I went straight home, took a hot bath (love!) and handled my cramping the best way I knew how. Gosh I can't wait to get this crap sorted!

So I ended up taking a nap on the couch. Dh woke me up sweetly...love him:) and began cooking us dinner. Usually I try to make dinner since he works late but sweetly he just took it into his own hands. It's rare that I have bad days so when I do, he knows just how to treat me...thank goodness!

And then the tears came...oh goodness....it was like a waterfall. I received a picture text of my new little cousin and although I was so happy for them, I all of a sudden realized "Wow, it's gonna be a while before I have one of those..." And immediately, I started bawling! Awe, it was so sad looking back. It was uncontrollable. So dh just rubbed my back and I just let it all out. Poor thing, I know he wants one just as bad. Seeing the tears in his eyes makes me ache 10x more.

I trust in the Lord's hands. I know that I wasn't given this passion to adore children not to have any myself. It's just the patience of it all. The waiting on the Lord's plan. GOSH that is so hard to do! I have read many of your blogs and have read your sad times too. That has helped me a lot. I realize that I will have my hard days and I will have my good days. Lately I have had more good than bad, thank goodness. I'm a pretty positive person, so my bad days are few. But it's the not knowing what lies ahead that scares me. I have my visit in Omaha next week....I am so excited...yet anxious too. BUT, what I am really nervous about isn't the surgery or the diagnosis, it's the after part. I am not looking forward to those months where I wait wait wait and then the damn period comes....UGH! Over the past 6 months we have been abstaining....that actually has been easier than I thought. It really hasn't been bad at all. I knew I couldn't get pregnant so I was actually looking forward to getting my periods because that helped pass the time with getting to Omaha. It's the waiting on the damn period and it coming that stinks. It's the late period, the excitement, then the let down of the period coming a few days late. Allllll that drama that comes along with trying and then it not working is what I am not looking foward to. But like my mom says, "Don't put the horse in front of the cart....you never know what God has in store so there is no need in worrying. Worrying only changes the worrier."

I know you all have experienced or are experiencing this as we speak....or maybe even for months or years. It doesn't make me feel better that you all have to go through this too. But, it does comfort me to know that I have my bloggers out there praying with me and for me. So thank you bloggers for adding more trust to my life...more understanding...more light...more knowledge....more appreciation....all that stuff you have brought to my life....thanks:)

P.S. Today is a better day:) At least I always know there are better days ahead right!

P.P.S. Oh and for any of you bloggers who are curious about PPVI or Dr. H and haven't experienced it before or if you have anything you want me to address in my blog while I am out there, ask/tell away. I plan on writing about my experience out there but if there is anything specific you want to know, let me know and I can hopefully include that in my blog for the upcoming weeks at PPVI.  The reason I say this is because I had hundreds of questions and a lot of them were answered by those bloggers who have had the experience and I am so thankful for that. So if I can be of any help, let me know:)